Local Student Cashes In Childhood State Quarter Collection To Buy Plan B
As it turned out, one entire book of state quarters doesn’t even cover a Plan B pill, even if the Michigan quarter is from 1962.
Author Archives: Ilana Arougheti
As Climate Crisis Intensifies, Jonas Brothers Re-Release Hit Song As “Year 2100″
The new track features a sick freestyle verse from Greta Thunberg, remixed over the death wails of a choking sea turtle.
New York High Schoolers Compete to Date DiCaprio: “We Need Someone to Buy Us Beer”
“We needed someone to buy us beer,” said Josie Cuervo, a junior. at Stuyvesant High School. “Then my friends and I heard Leo DiCaprio was sniffing around for younger women to date. Seemed to me like this might be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.”
CAPS, ZenLeaf Merge To Launch “Just Touch Grass” Campaign
Students who can’t turn that frown upside down after 3 CAPS appointments will receive vouchers for free flower.
Urie Disbands Emo Pop Group To Study Abroad: “It’s Actually Pronounced Panic At The DiTHHHHco”
The aging emo recently announced that his “band,” Panic! at the Disco, will disband after two generations so Urie can embark on the study-abroad journey of a lifetime in Barcelona.
Ten Halloween Costumes That Will Only Get You Canceled on South Campus
4. Fossil Fuel and Fracking Rig
Divest from YOUR morals tonight, as long as you stay north of Tech. Pro tip: crude oil makes for a fantastic waterproof eyeliner.
Ask Flippy: Where Do I Find Valid Shawties Who Will Also Support My Ambitions In Political Science?
I’m just looking for a valid, down-to-earth betty who can hold my hand, both at Naturdays with the boys and on the campaign trail. Everyone knows you’re a stronger candidate with some hot wife material behind you. Plus, I still haven’t found anyone who’s willing to lay out my clothes the night before like my mom used to do – and also kiss me with tongue the way I hope my mom never does.
“It Would Be Really Fucked Up if Our Backpacks Had Nerve Endings” States Local Philosopher
“Imagine what it would feel like to have, like, six months’ worth of crumbs inside of you.”
DJ Moondog Sued By Estate of Famed Canine Cosmonaut Laika
“As it stands, Moondog’s face is a disgrace to the entire space race.”
Girl Promised “Hamptons Vacation” Shocked When Sugar Daddy’s Prius Pulls Into Hampton Inn Chicago/North Shore
When the car showed up, it was just his son dropping off the Prius after tennis practice – and I started to get really worried.