Local Student Cashes In Childhood State Quarter Collection To Buy Plan B

Depop girlies, step aside; you’ve just been out-thrifted.

One Northwestern freshman took whole-brain engineering to a whole new level this week when she paid for a morning-after pill with her state quarter collection from childhood.

“After a certain number of Tinder dates, you realize that nothing is sacred, really,” said Communications freshman and former state quarter collector Penny Sayvar.

Sayvar was inspired to take action, she said, after hearing a friend’s story about selling their Pokemon card collection to pay for a nose job.

At the time, Sayvar was a couple days out from a particularly raucous one-night stand, and her parents had stopped Venmoing her for expenses after she failed to explain a debit card charge at “Evanston First Liquors.”

Sayvar collected quarters from the ages of 6 to 8, when she wasn’t busy playing with dolls and innocently climbing trees in her backyard.

“I used to think maybe some of these coins would be rare someday, and I could buy myself a house, or maybe like a nice car,” Sayvar said. “I guess instead I’m buying myself out of teen pregnancy.”

As it turned out, one entire book of state quarters doesn’t even cover a Plan B pill, even if the Michigan quarter is from 1962.

However, Sayvar was able to make up the difference by selling the empty book itself to local celebrity Margarita, CVS Pharmacy’s beloved geriatric cashier.

“She said she could use a wholesome hobby herself,” Sayvar said. “I couldn’t tell if she was being shady or if life really is just that sad when you’re out of your coquette era.”

Sayvar was last seen tearing pages from her childhood collection of American Girl magazines to use as rolling papers.

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