
NUFB Says Mayo Tub Fight Night “Not Hazing, Just Business”

Despite outcry from many current and former students, NUFB claims that its most recent scandal — Mayo Tub Fight Night — was “not hazing, just business”.
Despite outcry from many current and former students, NUFB claims that its most recent scandal — Mayo Tub Fight Night — was “not hazing, just business”.
Named for Nelson Mandela, who helped lead the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa and worked fervently towards equality; and for Ronald Reagan, who ensured that my father’s generational wealth would stay where it belonged — in the family — rather than going to the dirty poors
Goofy, the beloved ensemble member of Disney’s Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and various other properties, has been trapped inside of an industrial oven at the Keebler Factory. The titular performer and father of one called 911 at 8:32 A.M this morning, emergency services shared. This strange circumstance follows weeks of tension and political hostility in Florida, where Governor Ron DeSantis has attempted to uproot the Walt Disney Company by removing their tax exempt status and arresting a Stitch mascot, who was
“It’s not fair to think that taking away people’s rights to a Mouseketool is justified,” Scroogepublican Speaker of the House Cameron Pete said. “I mean, sure, they’ve led to the deaths of thousands upon thousands of both children and adults. But what’s that in comparison to sweet, sweet Benjamins lining my pockets? Those uppity Daisycrats should learn some respect for our fine governing body — and the financial benefactors whose gracious hand controls all policy.”Â
“It vill [sic] be the start of something new,” an anonymous source close to the president (herein called Kizzy Illian) shared. “My comrades and I seek the liberation of all members of the Flipside and Northwestern at large; and with support from those directly involved with the Supreme Leader, we believe she will be ousted summarily.”
“She really ate!” SESP sophomore Chi L’Dvour exclaimed. “I mean, I was expecting another sleepy Shanley production, but this Saturday midafternoon was the tastiest time I’ve had in a while!”
Steam is hotter than boiling water, after all: who knows what kind of damage I sustained…
DINOSAUR GO! One must question the system I expect we shall soon find ourselves operating beneath — a system in which the oligarchs of society control the upper echelon outside of the laws binding those beneath them.
Take a risk, and eat your fear, but know your early death lies here…
What is this, literally 1984? Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck.