Man Revolutionizes High-Five Game By Going Too Slow First
On November 8th, 2023, the world shook as a fundamental rule was broken. Children cried, priests prayed, and citizens everywhere trembled in the face of potential ruin — but they worried for nothing, a miracle had happened. Han Dushak, 25, had revolutionized the high-five game by going too slow first.
“People were gathering in the streets, whipping themselves into a frenzy,” reported Huada Falk, a journalist for CNN. “I was worried they were going to riot.”
Falk and others, however, found themselves enveloped in a radiant aura of peace as they approached the scene of what they thought could be a riot-in-progress. Dushak, glowing with divine light, was letting concerned people approach him one at a time, alleviating their duress. After failing to contact Dushak — who seemed to be initiating high-fives, then immediately swiping his hand across the side of his head — people were awed, confused, and generally calmed.
“I just… wow, I barely remember anything,” said Linda Nile, a mother of three who lived near the scene. “It was like this wave of peace rushed over me, and all my fears and worries went away. It wasn’t permanent, but it was exhilarating. I nearly divorced my husband right then and there.”
We could not reach her husband for comment.
Dushak, a software engineer from San Jose, said the idea came to him in “a rush of inspiration.”
“My buddy Doug and I were hanging out, downing a couple of brews, when Mother Athena herself blessed me with divine thought,” Dushak said. “So I turned to Doug and said ‘Hey man, this has been great. Up high!’ He raised his hand, and I totally dodged him before he knew what was happening. It was electric. Like, pulling at my heartstrings. Doug thinks I cured his hernia.”
While the Flipside can’t predict what will happen next in the now-unfettered world of high-fives and handshakes, we hope that peace, justice, and security will be brought to Dushak’s new empire.