Author Archives: Flippy

Congress Decides to Choose Speaker of the House Based on Twitter Poll

Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi expressed concern over this strategy of selection. “I’m just worried that if a Democrat wins, Republicans will throw another tantrum,” she remarked, trying to frantically re-download the app, but instead downloading Grindr. After hearing this statement, Congresswoman Lauren Boebert threw herself on the House Floor and began kicking and screaming.

“You want a what?” Tappa Tappa Keg Brother Fails to Serve “Negroni, Sbagliato, with Prosecco in it”

Confused. Disturbed. Upset. These are how people felt after the incident this week at the TTK darty. Following the event last Saturday at TTK, several brothers are under fire for their poor bartending abilities after being unable to serve the “drink of choice” of several attendees. Though the Panhellenic Council has asked for an apology, TTK has failed to issue a statement. Grant Liepzig, the brother manning the keg, stands by his tending-performance. More focused on “bringing good vibes” than

Fun Fall Activities to Try when Your Horny Roommate Sexiles You for the Fifth Time This Week

It’s that time of year again. Leaves are turning hues of crimson, white girls are donning the baggy-sweater-and-leggings look, there’s a chill in the air, and — your horny roommate is texting you “can u stay out tonight?” for the fifth time this week. That’s right, you’ve been sexiled. Your first instinct may be to get mad, but try to remain calm. Remember, roommates are people too! They have needs! What was your roommate supposed to do when he encountered

Ancestral Ojibwe Call for End of Land Acknowledgements: “We Don’t Want Anything to Do With This Football Team.”

After Northwestern’s humiliating loss to Southern Illinois University, the Ojibwe—no longer wanting to associate with such an embarrassment of a football team—pulled out from their weekly game-time land acknowledgment. A land acknowledgement, recognizing the ancestral land upon which a particular activity or sports event takes place, is typically conducted at halftime during Northwestern football games. Vice President and Associate Provost for Diversity and Inclusion and Chief Diversity Officer Dr. Robin Coleman spoke out regarding the confusing omission at Saturday’s game.

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