VeggieTales Officially Incorporated into Biblical Canon
Diehard supporters of the Eucharist reject the pious produce, claiming that the only food group that can be connected to God is flaccid bread.
Author Archives: Caitlin Carr-Smith
In appeal to youth, Luke Figora begins signing off emails as “Figgy Smalls”
He told Flipside reporters (accidentally, via secret microphone hidden inside his phone’s PopSocket) about the reasoning behind his decision: “I think they’ll take my emails more seriously if they see I’m one of them… Maybe we should start thinking about sending them Kik messages too, apparently no one uses AOL anymore lolz!!”
Awoooooooooga! Morty steps out in some tight pants
“I never thought I would ever have the urge to call Morty a dame,” said Michael “But there I was, holding my eyeballs in their sockets so they wouldn’t pop out like a Looney Tunes horndog.”
As punishment for botched season, football team must give up Charmin privileges
Jimmy John told reporters. “Now they have something else out of the toilet to work for—being decent enough at a sport to earn Charmin’s soft, gentle kiss.”
Groundhog Day to be replaced with Morty Day where he pokes his little head out of his house
“Plus, this really isn’t so different—Mr. Shapiro nibbles on sticks with the best of ‘em.”
COVID test burglary results in one swab for everyone to share
In the aftermath of the theft, the one swab, dubbed “Ole Faithful”, could be found lying underneath the ransacked shelves of its fallen brethren.
Op-Ed: I Got Hit by a Bike but I Liked How It Felt
As I stood in front of the Jacobs Center, waiting to cross the street with post-Abbot nasal drip, I certainly wasn’t expecting my life to change.
NU Marching Band Logs More Rushing Yards Than Football Team
“Carrying a small, sad, modern equivalent of Gabriel’s horn gives me to motivation to walk until my toe cartilage is worn away.”
Goldilocks Publishes New Opinion Piece “Just Right: The Way Forward For American Politics”
“They would simply shove you whatever cold porridge they have, and you would be expected to not only eat it, but share it with a bunch of lazy freeloaders and pay taxes on it!”
Ask Flippy: Why does my mom still take baths with me? I would much prefer we shower.
“Over the last thirty years, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t take it anymore.”