Do you yearn for passion? Do you miss the days of wanton sex and uncontrollable libido? Trojan has you covered. Using bleeding edge technology, Trojan has managed to synthesize the most powerful passion inducing aphrodisiac. This November, prepare your minds and loins for Trojan Airport: the only aphrodisiac that simulates the untapped sexual desire of seeing a person the same age as you at an airport.

It’s a tale as old as time. You arrive at your gate 4 hours early at the behest of your dad, and begin exploring the terminal to pass time. Then suddenly, in the aisle of a Hudson News, you spot them: someone your age. You lock eyes, and for a single shining moment, your souls unite and shower your mind with thoughts of passionate and intimate airport terminal sex. You’d lead them to the family bathroom, lock the door, then rip off their neck pillow, and apply your Trojan Ribbed for Their Pleasure Prophylactic before consummating your love on a pile of airport quality books (shout out James Patterson.) Your bodies are in sync, and just before you imagine yourself climaxing (and releasing a TSA regulated 3.4 oz) you snap back to reality and continue browsing souvenir shot glasses. Just as quickly as it began, the fantasy ends as your lover is summoned back to their gate, leaving you blue balled among the snacks.

Call the Flipside old fashioned, but we believe that sex should only be between two consenting adults in a Delta terminal, and we extend our gratitude to Trojan for protecting the sanctity of spontaneous sex. Be on the lookout for Trojan’s next aphrodisiac, Trojan Grocery Store.