BREAKING: Pete Davidson Now Dating God, States: “She’s Fine In Bed, I Guess”
When asked to comment, the stand-up comic maintained that a gentleman “never bangs our Lord and tells”.
Category Archives: Entertainment
After Success Of Barbenheimer, Studios Prepare For Next Creation: “Bratz-Jong Un”
“We have much more in store,” the studios commented, “including a limited-edition Kim Jong Un Bratz doll with matching missile accessories.”
Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog! Goofy Trapped In Industrial Oven At Keebler Factory
Goofy, the beloved ensemble member of Disney’s Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and various other properties, has been trapped inside of an industrial oven at the Keebler Factory. The titular performer and father of one called 911 at 8:32 A.M this morning, emergency services shared. This strange circumstance follows weeks of tension and political hostility in Florida, where Governor Ron DeSantis has attempted to uproot the Walt Disney Company by removing their tax exempt status and arresting a Stitch mascot, who was
As Climate Crisis Intensifies, Jonas Brothers Re-Release Hit Song As “Year 2100″
The new track features a sick freestyle verse from Greta Thunberg, remixed over the death wails of a choking sea turtle.
New York High Schoolers Compete to Date DiCaprio: “We Need Someone to Buy Us Beer”
“We needed someone to buy us beer,” said Josie Cuervo, a junior. at Stuyvesant High School. “Then my friends and I heard Leo DiCaprio was sniffing around for younger women to date. Seemed to me like this might be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.”
Director Christopher Nolan Releases 5th Chinese Spy Balloon in Order to Create a World War III Film Without CGI
Nolan said that the new movie will, “be 3 hours long, feature Cillian Murphy, and require 6 rewatches just to grasp the plot.”Â
Penguins of Madagascar Arrested on RICO Charges
“Moto Moto does not like the FBI.”
“You want a what?” Tappa Tappa Keg Brother Fails to Serve “Negroni, Sbagliato, with Prosecco in it”
Confused. Disturbed. Upset. These are how people felt after the incident this week at the TTK darty. Following the event last Saturday at TTK, several brothers are under fire for their poor bartending abilities after being unable to serve the “drink of choice” of several attendees. Though the Panhellenic Council has asked for an apology, TTK has failed to issue a statement. Grant Liepzig, the brother manning the keg, stands by his tending-performance. More focused on “bringing good vibes” than
A&O Blowout Reveals Featured Artist to be a Framed Picture of Jacob Collier
Collier, known for his intricate harmonic arrangements and the ability to bore nearly anyone’s date, will be traveling all the way from the color printer in Norris to Welsh-Ryan Arena to perform at Blowout this year.
From the Archives: God, These Cannon Shots in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture Are So Obscene and Obnoxious! What Has Become of Pop Music?
I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!