Porky Pig, Scooby-Doo Enroll in Speech Therapy

BURBANK, CA — Beloved television icons Porky Pig and Scooby-Doo have each independently enrolled in speech therapy classes beginning later this month at an undisclosed Hollywood clinic. “They each came in the other day,” said the owner of the therapy service, who wished to remain anonymous because she had always wanted to be anonymous in a news article, “and they prepaid for a whole bunch of intensive therapy sessions. They both paid in cash, although the pig left some paint smudges on some of the bills.”

Although it is increasingly common for celebrities to undergo therapy or rehab, some bloggers have begun to speculate that it’s part of a Warner Bros. company policy to be more politically correct with its franchises. Warner Bros. spokesman Payne Diaz declined to comment, but Scooby-Doo and Porky Pig each released a statement denying the allegations.

Porky’s read, in part, “W-w-w-we are t-tired of people m-m-making fun of the w-way we sp-sp-sp-speak. I j-just want to say ‘th-th-that’s all folks’ without worrying about m-my st-stutter. It’s supposed to be the end of th-the cartoon, but I always h-h-have to embarrass myself as the l-logo closes around me.” Scooby-Doo’s simply said, “Ry wanted Scooby Snacks.”

These characters have frequently come under fire for parodying those with speech impediments, but devoted fans say they’ll miss the unique ways the characters talked. Looney Toons enthusiast Morton Schapiro said, “How can we call ourselves inclusive if we aren’t accepting of people who can’t speak English proper?”

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