Antony Orates in Defense of CAESAR

By Bill S. Hakespeare

Friends, Wildcats, Countrymen, lend me your beers;
You came to register on CAESAR, not to praise it.
With evils that men program into it,
The good is oft interred with their codes;
So let it be with CAESAR. The great Schapiro
Hath told you CAESAR was easy to use:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And you were not let into any of your classes.
Here, under the gaze of great Schapiro—
Remember, CAESAR is easy to use;
So says Schapiro, our great president—
Come I to speak in defense of CAESAR.
It is our tool, accurate and equipped
With powerful search functionalities,
Which make it simple to find your classes:
For Schapiro says it’s easy to use,
And Schapiro is a great president.
It points out all your scheduling conflicts
And has helpful navigational tools:
In this, is CAESAR not easy to use?
When that freshman hath cried, CAESAR has crashed:
“Easy to use” needs be made of sterner stuff:
Yet Schapiro says it’s easy to use;
And Schapiro is a great president.
You all did register for your classes
No matter if they were ones you did need,
Though thrice it logged you out: is this easy?
Yet Schapiro says it’s easy to use,
And, yes, sure, he is a great president.
I speak not to disprove Schapiro’s words,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all loved CAESAR once, not without cause:
It offered CTECs, and lists of classes.
O judgment! thou flees to Lakefill wi-fi’d;
Wildcats have lost their reason. Bear with me—
My heart is on the Internet with CAESAR,
And I must pause till my signal comes back.

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