TRENTON, NJ – Suburbanites long used to witnessing the production of illicit narcotics through cable TV dramas rather than their neighbor’s living-room window have assumed the fetal position. Breaking Bad’s final episode airs tonight, but as the series draws to a close, one New Jersey man is making headlines for his unorthodox coping mechanism.
To fill the hours he once spent watching old episodes and hypothesizing about the series’ future, Darryl Harding has announced his intention to fashion a meth lab in his parents’ basement. The lab will be opened to the public every Sunday night to other fans unwilling to accept that their favorite show ended on its own terms without inevitably becoming awful.
Harding explained, “This show is just such an iconic part of my life. And what better way to honor something I love than to make my own inferior imitation? If I’m lucky, I could even lure a high school kid to help me out down there like Walt did with Jesse.”
Harding also lamented other fans’ lack of commitment. “You don’t see anyone else building a meth lab, do you? I don’t think so. That’s how you know I’m the only real supporter of the show. It’s my dream to be just like Walt. I just need to get cancer and quit my menial job, and then I’m golden. God, I hope my wife complains about my increasingly selfish decisions!”
When questioned if he understood that the show is fictional, Harding responded, “What are you talking about? Everything on TV is reality these days.”