Tag Archives: Meth

Meet the Newest Vending Machine in Mudd: Food, Laptop Chargers, and now, Methamphetamines! 

Northwestern libraries have added new amenities to the Engineering Library this quarter. Many students are familiar with the unconventional vending machines around Mudd, which include a smoothie machine and a laptop charger machine. The newest offering will be a methamphetamine dispenser, where students can use dining dollars to purchase a little lock-in aid.   All the library’s existing accommodations fuel students for long hours of studying, either through nutrition or a battery charge. This new machine promises an even more powerful

NU and Ohio State Fans Bond Pregame with Indy Favorite, Meth

The bitter rivalry between Northwestern and Ohio State fans sparked by the Big Ten Championship Game this Saturday came to a surprisingly peaceful conclusion at a local tailgate with the help of a Hoosier classic. When Northwestern football fan, Bill Werner, initially crashed the tailgate, it appeared relatively ordinary. “I wandered into a backyard and started eating the nearest hot dog,” said Werner. “Next thing I knew, the meth pipe was in my hand.” “The Northwestern fans started out chanting

Biden Tries to Boost National Economy with Meth Lab

WASHINGTON — After a recent fire was put out in the West Wing of the White House, investigators found Vice President Biden and Former President Clinton working on a meth lab to help alleviate the United States’ financial woes. The subsequent investigation and closure of the operation revealed unimagined details about the inner workings of the White House. Biden commented, “Listen, I talked to Bernanke, he kept saying a bunch of bullshit about interest rates and bubbles as if I