New Hazing Ritual to Involve Attending A Cappella Concert
“I understand that boys will be boys, but nobody should have to endure the agony of a student a cappella show.”
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Op-Ed: Cheetos in milk are the best winter vegetable. Let me convince you.
They’re orange, powdery and drenched in milk. Seemingly unassuming, they manage to divide the masses like none other. It’s rare that such a small thing can cause such polarization, but they do so with aplomb….
Students Bond Over Shared SSRI Dosage
“I thought I was the only one on campus taking 150mg of Zoloft every morning,” said Michaels of her dosage.
Scientists Discover Girls’ Bathroom in Locy is a Portal to Hell
“It just seemed right,” said Satan. “Even I was creeped out by the Locy basement—I was like, ‘wow, looks like someone beat me to it.’”
Cold Weather Making Life “Really Hard” for Kids in Thousand-Dollar Jackets
“Making Northwestern a safe place for incredibly rich shitheads is more or less part of our mission statement,” Schapiro said.
God Annoyed With Amount Of Prayers For Release Of ‘Avengers 4’ Trailer
In an unexpected press release, God stated that he has become “sick and tired” of the “millions of prayers asking to release the trailer for the new ‘Avengers’ movie.” Earlier this week, a series of…
Entrepreneurial Genius Logs into Handshake During Middle of Lecture
Smuthers initially agreed to comment on the story, but cancelled her interview with reporters upon hearing that The Flipside is not a marketing company.
Wildside to offer fifths of vodka to help boost attendance at sporting events
Forget free t-shirts and food, the Northwestern Wildside is ready to get you shmacked. Desperate to increase student attendance at sporting events, the Wildside advertised free fifths of vodka to the first 100 students who…
NU and Ohio State Fans Bond Pregame with Indy Favorite, Meth
The bitter rivalry between Northwestern and Ohio State fans sparked by the Big Ten Championship Game this Saturday came to a surprisingly peaceful conclusion at a local tailgate with the help of a Hoosier classic….
Plans to Include SpongeBob in Avengers 4 Canned Following Deaths of the Only Two People Who Wanted It
A previously unreleased concept art poster shows him alongside the other heroes with the tagline, “Forget Infinity War: Thisis the most ambitious cross-over in history.”