Your Uncle Luis then stood up and took away the bottle of wine and is said to have reassured the room that this was Lydia’s first time drinking since giving birth to your baby cousin, Tommy.
Author Archives: Michael Lenart
Matthew Steinway, a junior majoring in Creative Writing, has written the next great American novel after a 76-hour writing session fueled by mango-flavored vodka and microwavable Lean Cuisine meals. With baggy eyes and jittery hands, Matthew tells the Flipside, “The writing I produced during the session will be regarded as the literary event of the millennium. It is an anti-war, anti-capitalism, both pre- and postmodernist hodgepodge that explores the deepest roots of what it means to be human, as well
Whereas Jeremy describes his humor as “observational, yet edgy,” most in his group chat describe it as “bland” and “unnecessary.” This has resulted in many members muting the GroupMe conversation.
It seems you have a quarter of minimal eye contact and awkward glances to look forward to.
Write-in Vote for Bruce Curlee, The Chicago Metropolitan Area’s Fourth Best Mick Jagger Impersonator, Goes Unheard By Mayfest
“I just can’t get no satisfaction,” says the impersonator who vaguely resembles Mick Jagger.
“It’s a shame, really, because they’ve missed out on so much thrilling content.”
Debra’s post on the “seriously uncomfortable and unfunny remark” has garnered thousands of views, even sparking a trending hashtag: #M’ToofM’NotM’Funny.
Though Joshua was ultimately grounded, it seems this incident may have created a future comedian.
Professor Takes 15 Minutes To Play A Movie Clip In Lecture After Nobody Volunteers As The “Computer Person”
In a far from unprecedented move, Professor Irene Teck spent the first 15 minutes of her 50 minute lecture struggling to play a movie clip after no student was willing to offer their assistance as the “computer person.”
In an unexpected press release, God stated that he has become “sick and tired” of the “millions of prayers asking to release the trailer for the new ‘Avengers’ movie.” Earlier this week, a series of chiseled, stone tablets from Yahweh himself were found on the altar at the Sistine Chapel. Once they were translated from Latin, they revealed the Almighty’s distaste for his new workload. “Every single day, I sit and I listen to prayers asking the same things: ‘Can