Area White Man from the South Side– of Wilmette
Gilberts is just like any other Northwestern student–a young man with a dream; a dream of maybe getting a right swipe from Becca in Econ 201.
Category Archives: Year 11
From the Archives: Op-Ed: William, ye Olde Wilde Cat, Thou Hast Awakened my Heart
From the moment mine eyes met thine, William, ye olde Wilde Cat, I was eternally enthralled. From then until the end of time, I was, am, and shall be thine.
One Book One Northwestern Budget Reduced to One Dollar One Cent
Consternation and significant pushback from angry students on campus calling for a reversal was… actually nowhere to be seen.
New Drug Surfaces on Campus: “White Male Discussion Section Confidence”
“White Male Discussion Section Confidence,” better known on the street as “the devil’s advocate,” surfaced on Northwestern’s campus right around midterm season and has spread like wildfire.
Mayfest Secures Duolingo Bird as “Ethnic Opener” for Dillo
“From day one, we wanted to create a Dillo Day for everyone,” said Bailee
Golden, Mayfest’s Diversity and Inclusion chair. “Having the multi-lingual Duolingo owl as our ‘ethnic opener,’ if you will, is going to ensure that this Dillo isn’t just for privileged English-speakers.”
Write-in Vote for Bruce Curlee, The Chicago Metropolitan Area’s Fourth Best Mick Jagger Impersonator, Goes Unheard By Mayfest
“I just can’t get no satisfaction,” says the impersonator who vaguely resembles Mick Jagger.
Mayfest Announces First Person to Arrive to Dillo Day Dressed as Squidward’s House Will Win a Prize
“Nothing better represents the Dillo Day spirit than the Easter Island head that Squidward lives in.”
Student Wonders if it’s Too Late to Start Going to Class
Hall wondered if he should attend at least one lecture in each class so he can find the rooms where his finals will be held.
Report: Your Mayfest Friend Quiet All of a Sudden
In situations where she might find herself saying, “you’ll never guess who’s going to be on the Main Stage this year!” or “Guys, I have literally wanted a Ferris wheel on the Lakefill since I was born,” she now just stands there without making a peep.
Mayfest: “We’ll Just Throw Drunk People in the Lake, OK??”
“After the event, we can just take a big net and scoop everybody into it. Just grab each person’s Wildcard information and send them home.”