Northwestern Flipside

Gilberts is just like any other Northwestern student–a young man with a dream; a dream of maybe getting a right swipe from Becca in Econ 201.

From the moment mine eyes met thine, William, ye olde Wilde Cat, I was eternally enthralled. From then until the end of time, I was, am, and shall be thine.

Consternation and significant pushback from angry students on campus calling for a reversal was… actually nowhere to be seen.

“White Male Discussion Section Confidence,” better known on the street as “the devil’s advocate,” surfaced on Northwestern’s campus right around midterm season and has spread like wildfire.

“From day one, we wanted to create a Dillo Day for everyone,” said Bailee
Golden, Mayfest’s Diversity and Inclusion chair. “Having the multi-lingual Duolingo owl as our ‘ethnic opener,’ if you will, is going to ensure that this Dillo isn’t just for privileged English-speakers.”

“I just can’t get no satisfaction,” says the impersonator who vaguely resembles Mick Jagger.

“Nothing better represents the Dillo Day spirit than the Easter Island head that Squidward lives in.”

Hall wondered if he should attend at least one lecture in each class so he can find the rooms where his finals will be held.

In situations where she might find herself saying, “you’ll never guess who’s going to be on the Main Stage this year!” or “Guys, I have literally wanted a Ferris wheel on the Lakefill since I was born,” she now just stands there without making a peep.

“After the event, we can just take a big net and scoop everybody into it. Just grab each person’s Wildcard information and send them home.”