Report: Your Mayfest Friend Quiet All of a Sudden

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EVANSTON, IL — With the full Dillo Day lineup released to the public, a new report has shown that your friend on Mayfest has stopped talking all of a sudden.

The Flipside’s prestigious research team has been monitoring conversations all over campus since the beginning of May and directly after the announcement of Teyana Taylor as the final performer for Dillo Day, researchers noticed a complete flatline of topics about which your friend on Mayfest is capable of talking.

Statistics from the report show that your Mayfest friend’s participation in conversations has declined from 250 DDCPH (Dillo Day Comments Per Hour) all the way to zero. In situations where she might find herself saying, “you’ll never guess who’s going to be on the Main Stage this year!” or “Guys, I have literally wanted a Ferris wheel on the Lakefill since I was born,” she now just stands there without making a peep.

The Flipside advises anyone trying to communicate with your Mayfest friend to stick to simple yes-or-no questions. This will ensure that she does not have to exert the brainpower necessary to come up with a thought that does not directly pertain to the reveal of the Dillo Day lineup.

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