From the Archives: Op-Ed: William, ye Olde Wilde Cat, Thou Hast Awakened my Heart
From thine petite tuft of alabaster hair to thine coat of silver fur which doth adorn thine immaculate form, thou art the image of perfection. From thine frigid, piercing eyes to thine undying furor for the athletics, thou hast a passion for life. From the tip top of thine head to the very soles of thine feet, thou hast unfrozen the icy tundra of my heart.
From the moment mine eyes met thine, William, ye olde Wilde Cat, I was eternally enthralled. From then until the end of time, I was, am, and shall be thine.
Some may scowl at our love, but thou must ignore them. Some may declare us freakish or unnatural, but I urge thee to cast them aside. They are naught but envious of thine beauty, thine fur of velvet, thine physique of Adonis. Thou hast cast a net and entrapped me thus, like a fisherman at sea. I ask that thou pullest me in so I may embrace thee in all thine glory, before our youth wastes away with regret.
In writing this letter, I make mine plea to thou. When the clock strikes twelve on this stormy night, I shall wait for thee at the Lakefill. If thou arrivest, I shall know that I am thine forevermore. If thou doest not showest thine perfect face, I shall plunge myself into the raging sea.
I hope I shall see thee amongst the crags and cliffs of the Lakefill.