NUPD released a statement on Tuesday night that they’d caught a Mr. Johnny “The Mouse*” Bilderson, Evanston’s most prolific criminal. Mr. Bilderson has 0 robbery charges, 1 money laundering charge, and 17 loitering charges on…Read More
Matthew Steinway, a junior majoring in Creative Writing, has written the next great American novel after a 76-hour writing session fueled by mango-flavored vodka and microwavable Lean Cuisine meals. With baggy eyes and jittery hands,…
We’re not going to let little things like ‘journalistic integrity’ and ‘restraining orders’ stop us.
The Doily will still publish online every day, but print editions will only come out once every six years due to editors’ commitments to crocheting cute little lace covers for every single copy.
“I suppose I can’t say anything’s wrong…no, I literally can’t say anything’s wrong.”
Americans rejoiced last week as new study conducted by Harvard University concluded that cocaine served as an excellent alternative to mundane bodily tasks such as eating, sleeping, blinking, breathing, and having a pulse. “After we…
President Morton Shapiro, after consulting the University Board, released in a tweet that by 2020, Northwestern will be officially renamed “Avoiding UChicago.”
“Her body may be slowly eroding, but that’s a-okay, because she definitely doesn’t have Strep!” said Dr. Lou.