In an unexpected press release, God stated that he has become “sick and tired” of the “millions of prayers asking to release the trailer for the new ‘Avengers’ movie.”
Earlier this week, a series of chiseled, stone tablets from Yahweh himself were found on the altar at the Sistine Chapel. Once they were translated from Latin, they revealed the Almighty’s distaste for his new workload.
“Every single day, I sit and I listen to prayers asking the same things: ‘Can you please release the trailer?’, ‘Please God, can you give us the trailer?’, ‘I have cancer, so can you please release the ‘Avengers 4’ trailer before I join you up there?’ It’s so annoying.”
A spokesperson for the Vatican told the Flipside: “It is a miracle that God has graced us with his Word through these tablets. He has let us know that our prayers are being heard… It’s a real shame about that trailer, though.”
On the final tablet, God wrote, “I created Man, therefore I do not fear him. I created Satan, therefore I do not fear him. I did not create the Disney Corporation, therefore I fear it. Only they know when the trailer will be released. Bug them, not me. Amen and deuces.”
On the back of the tablet, a translator also found the following: “P.S. Stan says ‘What up?’”