Northwestern Flipside

“I also told him to ‘shoot quickly’ because the camera was low on battery, but I guess he misinterpreted that part, too.”

“Whenever I put them on I can feel the increase in testosterone and dopamine immediately. Yesterday I wore them and I chucked my Sperry’s at the TV.”

In a far from unprecedented move, Professor Irene Teck spent the first 15 minutes of her 50 minute lecture struggling to play a movie clip after no student was willing to offer their assistance as the “computer person.”

“I don’t know whether it was the timing, or the wording, or the fact that Eric’s grandmother just died, but for some reason, me ironically mentioning my desire to ascend from this mortal plane wasn’t well-received,” said the student at the heart of this unprecedented development, who wishes to remain nameless.

“I’m pretty sure he’s always gotten the majority of the birthday money. I’ve made my peace with it.”