This Halloween, the value of 8-year-old Marvin Schmidt’s assets exploded. While he didn’t receive a lifetime supply of treats, he certainly scored the treat of a lifetime.
Elon Musk responded on X (formerly Twitter) within minutes, calling the cold-blooded murder a “fun, organic bird-to-bumper interaction.” Tesla then posted a velocity edit of the accident to “Rodeo (Remix)” by Lah Pat and Flo Milli.Â
Alcohol might be the best thing on Earth. Mouthwash truly makes me feel something. It makes me braver, more confident, more mature, maybe even all grown-up like a ten-year-old. Maybe with alcohol, I can even face the Evil Dentist.
Ever since he was a boy, Pope Leo XIV–formerly Robert Prevost–had three dreams: To be a man of good moral character and faith, for the White Sox to win a world series, and to live forever.
We here at the Northwestern Flipside know how stressful it can be to come up with a Halloween costume that is both sexual and thought-provoking…
Sargent dining hall, perhaps the most controversial of them all, may be making a comeback. According to a statement from the dining hall’s public relations officer, Mildred Williams, they will be adding several new dishes to the rotating menu, including “goop” and “slop”. “We have heard your pleas,” said Williams, referring to recent protests outside of Sargent by the student group Nutrition Undergraduate Team (NUT). “In response, there will be goop and slop for all”. Additionally, Williams announced a new
“Tragic, but ultimately, this is the price we pay for security.”
Northwestern libraries have added new amenities to the Engineering Library this quarter. Many students are familiar with the unconventional vending machines around Mudd, which include a smoothie machine and a laptop charger machine. The newest offering will be a methamphetamine dispenser, where students can use dining dollars to purchase a little lock-in aid.  All the library’s existing accommodations fuel students for long hours of studying, either through nutrition or a battery charge. This new machine promises an even more powerful
I’ve written over three studies that show that larger wenises positively correlate with almost every metric of success for a Sims community–GDP, average BMI, homicide rate, etc.–and I know that each and every one of my Sims would be much happier with a few inches added on to their wenis.
The case unfolded dramatically, with many individuals of both high and low status accusing the embattled Biberty of misconduct, including, most recently, the GEICO gecko, who has yet to officially press charges.