International Student Welcomed Back to US with TSA Frisking

EVANSTON — Sources close to Rashad Gupta, Weinberg junior of mixed Indian-Saudi origin and proud international student, confirmed Tuesday that Gupta was positively beaming upon his return to Evanston from Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport, bearing news of “the least unpleasant airport experience of his life.”

Gupta also expressed amazement at how quickly he passed through the immigration line at O’Hare, exclaiming that “it only took three and a half hours,” and that “it was almost like they forgot to put [him] in the burqa line!”

Gupta counted a mere 25 suspicious glances from fellow travelers over the duration of the trip, and brushed off any negative association by reassuring his friends that those “vigilant stalwarts of US national security” ensure that he “never forget[s] anything at the airport since they start screaming for security if [he] accidentally leave[s] one of [his] bags on a chair.” McCormick junior Henry Wilcox quizzed Gupta about his experience for hours, noting that Gupta’s falling victim to 10 “random” security checks in one weekend (which Gupta noted as a record low) could form the basis of a new branch of mathematics.

In summary of his heart-warming experience, the 4.0 GPA holder added: “It was really nice to be reminded that I’m indeed as welcome in the U.S. as the looping video above the immigration line claims. And it’s so great to be back on campus with you all. [Foster-Walker security guard] Jason even wished me a Happy New Year after he demanded to see my student ID while I was moving back in!”

“It’s always nice to feel appreciated.”

About the Author

Adam Pecena
Before joining the Flipside, Adam worked as the Czech correspondent for GQ Magazine, where he covered beer, fringe sporting events, and celebrity dating. At Northwestern, he has been voted “Most Likely to Wear Crocs” by his floor mates for three consecutive years. Adam’s career highlights include heroic attempts at reviving 90’s white boy pop with his band “Czech4Lyfe.” In his free time, Adam likes to throw Starbursts at the elderly and read 19th century Russian fiction, preferably simultaneously. Recently, Adam sent a hit man to kill Jordan’s $400 black piranha because he loves killing fish, and hates Jordan.

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