TAMPA, FL — Capping off a difficult season for producers of the once-popular drama series State of the Union, during which high-profile scandals and critical derision sent ratings plummeting, a Florida-based ABC affiliate station has announced that it is bumping the State of the Union from its network for reruns of the popular sitcom The Middle.
The Obama administration reacted to the station’s decision with a hasty rewrite of State of the Union‘s closing minutes, and White House spokesman Jay Carney has attempted to placate networks and viewers with promises of a “thrilling” conclusion to the evening.
Rumors abound that the upcoming address will finally answer the year-long mystery of “Who Approved the NSA Spying?” and head speechwriter Milton Hart has hinted at a possible cliffhanger ending that will leave a “fan-favorite” Cabinet member dead.
Reuters journalist Craig Moreland stated that while he will most likely watch the address, and possibly even enjoy it on some level, he’s doing his best to resist the hype.
“State of the Union fans have been burned too many times before,” Moreland confided. “There’s never any real resolution; they just pile cliffhanger on top of cliffhanger. Remember what happened last year? They spent like half the season building up the ‘Gun Control’ plotline, but then it just sort of fizzled out. We never even found out whether or not the legislation survived!”
“I don’t know, I just get the feeling that none of it’s planned out in advance, and they just write it as they go along.”
Washington Post correspondent Samantha Boric agreed with Moreland’s assessment. “I used to get so excited for the State of the Union, back in 2008 and 2009,” the reporter sighed. “You really got the sense that you were watching something different; something special! Those first few seasons still hold up really well.”
“These days, it’s just like all the crap that came before it.”