Ask The Flipside: Percy the Gay Stoner on Valentine’s Day

In “Ask The Flipside,” you, our readers get the chance to ask the most wizened personalities on The Flipside staff for advice about school, relationships, and life. To submit a question, email, or maybe send us a carrier pigeon.

Dear Percy,
I have a date for Valentine’s Day this year! What can we do in Evanston?
-IllinoisIsn’t ForLovers

Dear IllinoisIsn’t,

I agree that Evanston isn’t the most romantic spot. It’s not like you have the beautiful Rocky Mountains as a background, or a wide array of edibles from your local neighborhood dispensary to share, but we have to work with what we’ve got, right? Try and start things off right with a small Valentine’s present. Nothing says “you’re the best I can do” like a macramé hemp bracelet.

I’m assuming you found your date on straight people Grindr (editor’s note: “straight people grindr” is a dating app more commonly known as Tinder) so make sure you go somewhere with dim lighting, just so you won’t be disappointed and kill the mood. I hear Farmhouse Evanston is so dark they can’t actually check IDs. Once you’re on the date, PLEASE don’t talk about midterms. I know you’re, like, the most stressed person to ever attend Northwestern, but I can assure you your date does not want to hear about that one trick question in Math 224.

Dear Percy,
How can I still look cute, trendy, and shapely in winter apparel?
-PuffyCoat Blues

Dear PuffyCoat,

Managing to stay fashionable in the winter is a constant struggle. Much like finding a hottie at the club, it takes a keen eye, persistence, and being generally attractive in the first place. What’s my winter secret? Layers. Layers on layers on layers. Wear as many clothes as physically possible. You stay warm, plus you give off that chic hobo vibe that is unbelievably in right now. Just remember to keep it fresh by switching up your look now and again. It’s super tempting to wear the same flannel button down and patagonia vest every day (trust me, I know), but you’ll always get extra points for keeping things interesting. Showering is also important.

Percy proudly hails from the Mile High City, and is an out and proud member of the gay community. He enjoys hand-woven bracelets, pleather skinny jeans, and a good brunch. He can be found advocating for marriage equality and the legalization of recreational marijuana.

About the Author

Allison Ortega
Four out of five dentists agree that Allison is the best president ever; Obama has nothing on her. She smells like lilac, and knows HTML. She is also proud to have the same first name as Brian’s mom, Allison. Among her other talents, Allison is the third in the line of blonde Flipside presidents, and she is definitely the SafeRide driver whose car you’ve thrown up in. You may recognize Allison from that “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” commercial, where she fell and couldn’t get up. Allison currently holds the Guinness World Record for most consecutive pushups done while also doing yoga.

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