EVANSTON — In response to the Heartbleed virus, area man Gill Phenylsworth reportedly made the sage decision to change the passwords for all of his bank accounts, social networking sites, and FarmersOnly dating profile from “1234” to “password.”
“I was scrolling through the Buzzfeed article ‘23 Ways to Protect Your Stuff from the Heartbleed Hackers,’ and number eleven listed the seven most-used passwords,” commented Phenylsworth. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when lo-and-behold the most-used-password was the very one that I used to protect all my accounts! I stopped reading the article then and there and immediately went to work on creating a new password.”
Sources say that Phenylsworth considered many different passwords before settling on “password,” including “(one spacebar), pass word, (two spacebars), 255-63-5203, and 12345.”
“I can’t believe that none of my accounts were hacked by people guessing my password. My mind is much more at ease knowing that my FarmVille account is safe. If I’d lost my virtual pig Wilbur Jr., I just don’t know what I would have done.”
Also, on the off chance that he forgets his password, Phenylsworth has created an elaborate, ten-step safety net that will remind him of his password. This consists of placing 36 sticky notes strategically throughout his apartment with the word “password” written on them, changing his ringtone to “my password is password” (to the tune of La Cucaracha), and writing the word “password” in lamb’s blood above his bed.