Class Delayed Ninety Minutes by Incessant Shushing

EVANSTON – Commotion erupted last Thursday in the Northwestern Technological Institute as the 2P.M. Chemistry 207 class occupied LR3 for almost forty minutes longer than scheduled. Sources say the professor, Dr. Irving Lestrade, was unable to begin class due to students shushing each other’s shushing.

“I tapped on my microphone a bit, which got them to stop talking. Then someone in the back went ‘Shhhhh,’ and someone else ‘Shhhhh’ed’ back at him. Pretty soon, everyone was constantly making that damned noise so I couldn’t get a word in,” stammered an obviously disturbed Dr. Lestrade. The professor has since been receiving emotional therapy in an attempt to soothe the trauma inflicted by the incident.

The shushing continued for ninety straight minutes, eventually ceasing when Dr. Lestrade suffered a panic attack and entered a catatonic state at the podium.

“Look, this wouldn’t have happened if everyone would’ve just listened to me,” said literally every person in the room. “I was trying to get them all to shut up but they just kept making those annoying sounds with their mouths.” When asked if they were being quiet, all ninety students responded by saying “Of course not, I was trying to get everyone else to shut up so Dr. Lestrade could start class.”

Sources confirmed that no one in the room accomplished anything that day except for the kid in the back who finally won 2048.

About the Author

Jordan Villanueva
Jordan enjoys watching Lizzie McGuire reruns on Sundays while eating stale bread with his grandmother's ashes. They add a certain flavor similar to cardamom and not dissimilar to cumin. However, Jordan's favorite spice is actually nutmeg because it reminds him of long winter nights in Argentina. It was in Argentina where Jordan worked as a nude model at the Universidad de Buenos Aires. It was in Buenos Aires that he met the love of his life, Lolita, but she tragically left him to return to Canada. Broken-hearted, Jordan now devotes himself to his work with the Northwestern Flipside and his YouTube cooking show.

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