BREAKING: Nothing Happening in Plex

EVANSTON — According to shocking reports pouring in from Foster St., nothing is happening in Plex right now. While this allegedly began several hours ago, additional reports are claiming that there is nothing happening at this very moment either. According to bystanders at the dorm, NUPD arrived as soon as they heard the news, and a team of RAs was also on hand to respond.

“It’s just not the kind of thing you ever expect,” reported Jane Meyers, WCAS ’18. “I was just trying to get my usual 9 hours of sleep, when the alarm started going off. Out of nowhere, nothing was happening in my very own dorm.”

However, after the initial investigation, officials told a different story. According to Tenisia Adams, Resident Director of Foster Walker, it was only a matter of time. “You see, after speaking with NUPD and other top school officials, it quickly became apparent that this was actually bound to happen. The original builders had not considered this possibility, and had taken no steps to stop nothing from happening inside the dorm.”

While many Plex residents are shaking by the events today, they are trying to carry on normally to the best of their extents, hoping that nothing will never happen again.

About the Author

Samuel Freedman
Sam was born on the top of Mount Kilamanjaro, because apparently Mount Everest wasn't feasible. He's currently training to be a licensed sherpa so that he can finally conquer Everest once and for all. In his free time, he is a freelance Rick Ross impersonator, specializing in kids' birthday parties. Despite his name, Sam is NOT a freed man. Sam killed both Abe Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. No one has seen him in broad daylight. Sam is also the foremost groupie of Iowa-based Heart tribute band Heart: A Tribute Band. A man of many talents, he hopes to one day help Heart: A Tribute Band play a concert on the top of Mount Everest that can be heard around the world.

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