Bear from The Revenant Beats Leo for Oscar

HOLLYWOOD – In an unprecedented turn of events, the Oscars have handed the Best Actor award to a non-human, who in fact was not even originally nominated for the award. The Academy Award has gone to the bear from The Revenant.

Cheryl Boone Isaacs, president of the Academy said, “Although the bear wasn’t nominated for the award, we were just so moved watching him tear apart Leo’s body again and again. There was something so satisfying about watching his claws tear into the raw flesh of Leo’s back. I mean, come on, who didn’t put that part on repeat? We had to give it to him, and we thought what better way than a surprise win?”

An actor or actress who chose to remain anonymous, although an unconfirmed source is reporting Jennifer Lawrence, commented, “It took a lot for the bear to get placed in the Best Actor category at such late notice. At first the Academy would only consider him for Best Supporting Actor, but soon they realized that while his role in the film is seemingly less than a minute long, it sure adds a big bite to the movie.”

In an even stranger turn of events, Leo allegedly ran out of the room as soon as the bear’s name was announced and hasn’t been seen since. A source claims he’s returned to the Canadian forest and is now studying how the acting methods of the Ursus arctos so that he can finally get that golden trophy.

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