Cru: We Found Jesus and He’s Racially Ambiguous

The student group Cru recently found Jesus and confirmed that he is racially ambiguous.

Sources indicate many students in the group claimed to have found Jesus in their hearts long ago, but none of them were able to give his race. Now that they have all met him in person, they are happy to clear it up for everyone.

“Jesus cannot be defined by labels,” said Cara Manns, treasurer of Cru. “Everyone wants to fit him into this tiny box of white or black or whatever, but you just can’t. He is racially ambiguous.”

When asked what it was like to meet someone who is racially ambiguous, everyone in Cru made it clear that the moment was transcendent.

“I always thought I was faithful to Jesus,” said Carl Jacobs, WCAS ’19 and member of Cru. “But it wasn’t until the moment I saw him that was able to let go of the image of a white guy with a beard and truly take up my cross.”

Reporters were unable to obtain a clear picture of what a racially ambiguous Jesus might look like. Most members avoided that question but continually made it clear that they had actually met Jesus.

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