ASG: Christina, Macs Sentenced to Death by Lethal Injection

EVANSTON – Following the ASG election committee’s ruling today that newly appointed ASG President and Vice President Christina Cilento and Mac Vinson violated election policy when they neglected to disclose real-time voting results during the election, an emergency session of ASG was called and determined that Clilento and Vinson are to be sentenced to death by lethal injection.

Cilento and Vinson received multiple updates on election results throughout the final day of voting at least twice.

In multiple social media posts and messages obtained by The Flipside, students urged others to vote for Cilento and Vinson, saying the voting margin was narrow, with some posts saying the margin was within five to 10 votes.

ASG Election Commissioner Lauren Thomas commented on the decision. “We considered multiple possible repercussions for Cilento and Vinson, and debated for at least seven minutes, before coming to the conclusion that these are very dangerous individuals and to allow them back into the public sphere would be a breach of public safety.”

Cilento and Vinson could not be reached for comment at this time, and probably never will be again.

The execution will take place next Tuesday, April 26, at 10:00 AM in McCormick Auditorium at Norris University Center. Tickets for the viewing will be on sale this Thursday at 10:00 AM through the Norris Box Office.

About the Author

Brian Capella
Brian's favorite kind of tree is Red Pine, because he likes to break the needles in half and imagine that he is a powerful giant. Additionally, he can proudly say he has never seen a movie in his life. Brian graduated from Harvard with a B.A. in theology in 1679, and then received his M.A. in accordion playing. At Harvard, Brian spent his time rowing down the Charles with his lover Dave Matthews softly caressing his cheeks as they floated. Brian's favorite Ghostbusters character is the Stay-Puft Man. Nowadays, Brian spends his time stuffing his shirt with ice while watching Season 2 Episode 5 of Gilmore Girls on repeat.

1 Comment on "ASG: Christina, Macs Sentenced to Death by Lethal Injection"

  1. Alexandria Bobbitt | April 18, 2016 at 4:47 pm |

    THIS IS NOT FUNNY!!!! Not only do I have a friend whose grandfather was just actually murdered this way and lethal injection and execution is a whole different issue, but this is HATEFUL. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!! I can’t believe this.

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