Op-Ed: I Guess Now We Can Just Slightly Fondle Mayfest

Dillo Day 2016 has come and gone, and we can only commend Mayfest for the wonderful job it did putting on a great concert. Calls to “fuck Mayfest” seem unnecessary now, but Dillo’s 2015 cancellation still remains fresh in the minds of many, so I guess we can compromise, and just slightly fondle Mayfest.

It’s probably unfair to wish a full-fledged fucking on Mayfest after the beautiful Dillo Day we just had, but we might not want to totally let them off the hook sexually for the debacle last year. A gentle, supple fondling just might be what we should desire of Mayfest until we can reevaluate the group next year.

Mayfest was already asked to endure a hardcore pounding for a whole year, so a more subtle and sensual approach could act as better positive encouragement. It just seems that a more accurate evaluation of Mayfest’s performance at this point in time would involve more caressing and less thrusting.

Overall, we as a student body have to make sure we constantly update our erotic preference for Mayfest when the situation calls for it. We can just slightly fondle Mayfest now, and maybe after another successful Dillo next year, they’ll be ready for a mere spanking or French kiss.

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