Weinberg Announces Ethnically-Ambiguous Studies Major

In a landmark victory for students with slightly darker skin and brownish-black hair, Weinberg College of Arts & Sciences has announced a new Ethnically-Ambiguous Studies major.

The program focuses on the unique human experience of individuals who fail to fit any stereotypical archetypes of major ethnic groups. The course list includes “Melanin: It Comes and Goes,” “Social Struggles and Never Fitting In,” and “How to Deal with White People Guessing Your Ancestry.”

Weinberg Dean Adrian Randolph said in a press release that the major was launched in response to a petition signed by hundreds of students who might’ve been Hispanic. “Honestly I’m not sure what they were,” Randolph wrote, “they all had a lot of vowels and double-l’s in their name, but that could be Filipino, right?” Sources report that at least three-quarters of the signers are multiracial.

Many students expressed excitement at the announcement. Shockingly white student Cooper McFarnsworth (WCAS ’19) is already planning on registering for several department classes next fall.

“Honestly I don’t care about the struggles,” McFarnsworth said. “I’m just hoping that by the time I graduate I can figure out if my buddy is Mexican or Persian.”

 

 

About the Author

Jordan Villanueva
Jordan enjoys watching Lizzie McGuire reruns on Sundays while eating stale bread with his grandmother's ashes. They add a certain flavor similar to cardamom and not dissimilar to cumin. However, Jordan's favorite spice is actually nutmeg because it reminds him of long winter nights in Argentina. It was in Argentina where Jordan worked as a nude model at the Universidad de Buenos Aires. It was in Buenos Aires that he met the love of his life, Lolita, but she tragically left him to return to Canada. Broken-hearted, Jordan now devotes himself to his work with the Northwestern Flipside and his YouTube cooking show.

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