Area Woman Seeking Boyfriend to Split Rent of Nice Studio in the City

Hours of fruitless labor poring over Trulia, Craigslist, and Apartments.com have finally broken area woman Melissa Seymour, who now seeks for naught but a non-murderous man to split the rent of a nice studio in the city.

“There is absolutely zero reason I should have to pay $1300/month for a 200sqft 1bed/1bath, zero utilities included studio in Wicker Park,” Seymour lamented. “The only way that’s happening is if I split the rent with my boyfriend, who is currently, well… non-extant.”

Seymour is only one of a tidal wave’s worth of young Millennial/Gen Z cusps struggling to afford housing in a major metropolitan hub.

That contention is leading Seymour to sacrifice her strong, independent womanhood in search of any random guy who’s willing to split rent.

“Basically, my standards are that I don’t want someone who has a criminal record,” Seymour said, “Actually… if he’s willing to cover electric, I wouldn’t mind a few class-3 misdemeanors.”

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