Quarantine save! It looks like the renowned musical artist people are dying to see in concert, Famassa Furnuthing, is about to film themselves cooking eggs for their millions of followers. Now THIS is the kind of story that makes everything seem PERFECTLY FINE because EVERYTHING IS FINE.
“Some ‘fans’ have commented that they would prefer to see Ms. Furnuthing… well… sing, but look! She’s cooking eggs! That’s kind of like singing except that there’s no singing involved and eggs ARE involved,” said Furtnuthing’s publicist.
A recent study showed that 98% of Americans know how to scramble eggs, and the other 2% is Jojo Siwa. Even vegans know how to cook eggs (in this case, “cooking eggs” is a euphemism for MURDER). But this is different, because this time, it’s a SINGER cooking eggs.
Every day, there are construction workers, teachers, and 13 year-old children across the world making eggs (not Jojo Siwa, though, that’s for sure). But never before has a SINGER been seen cooking eggs. In fact, Americans were unsure if singers even COULD make eggs until Furthuthing was so brave enough to try.
“After I was furloughed, I had to sell off my tickets for her world tour next year to pay this month’s rent,” said Amy Bookings, one of Furnuthing’s biggest fans, ”But I guess eggs are close second.”
So next time you’re feeling down (why?) check your Instagram! You might just find a livestream of someone with a beautiful singing voice making breakfast (and not singing) in one of their 16 kitchens. Celebrities- they’re just like us!