Ask Flippy: Do You Want to See Me Insert This Swab Only an Inch Into my Nostril and Swirl 15 Times? Would You Like That?

Dear Flippy,

            Last week I got a school email titled “Changes to COVID-19 Testing” and I thought, “can’t knock it till you try it”, so read on instead of marking it as spam for once. Much to my dismay, they told me that we’re no longer doing Color tests and are trying this new thing called NAVICA instead. I figured I could use this extra testing time to play the field, and I couldn’t stop thinking of you. Picture this fever-inducing, body-aching, taste-and-smell-removing scenario in your head, and let me know what you think.

I walk into the Jacob’s Center all masked and mysterious to scope out the dotted line for any guy not wearing flip flops in 30-degree weather. That’s when we lock eyes. You’ve never seen me before. I’m shy and sophisticated, you’re the big Flip on campus.. I live in Willard, you sleep in the maintenance alley behind Mudd. We get assigned testing tables 10 and 11. It’s fate. You look over shyly hoping to catch a dramatic nose reveal. I let you sneak a peek. When my table attendant is distracted I lean over real close to you and say “do you want to see me insert this swab only an inch into my nostril and swirl 15 times? Would you like that?”. Your move.

Sincerely,

An admirer

Dear admirer,

            Meet me at the south entrance to the Jacob’s center. Bring the swab.

Flippy

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