With the recent groundbreaking discovery of a direct link between autism and the pain-relieving substance Tylenol, experts have turned to vigilant supporter of the sciences President Donald Trump for solutions. With a Big Mac in one hand, and a concept of a plan in the other, the President got to work, releasing a chain of announcements just yesterday alluding to his success on the matter.  

At 11am CST, The President made a post on America’s top up-in-rising news source, the Truth Social app, stating “CLIMATE CHANGE IS A HOAX. TAYLOR SWIFT WANTS GLOBAL WARMING TO BE REAL SO PEOPLE THINK SHE’S HOT AGAIN.” Linguistics experts believe it was this thought that would eventually lead to the “mastermind,” himself, arriving at the revolutionary conclusion voiced just an hour later on Truth Social.  

In his 12:02 CST Truth Social post, Trump claimed “CALIFORNIA IS A TERRIBLE STATE. THE HEAT IS GROSS AND CALIFORNIAN VOTES ARE TOO. IF NEWSCUM WASN’T ALWAYS INSIDE BLASTING HIS AC HE’D REALIZE WHAT A DUMPYARD HIS STATE HAS BECOME. HE WOULDN’T HAVE HAD TO POISON PREGNANT AMERICANS WITH AUTISM IF THEY WEREN’T SICK WITH WOKENESS. (#KingTrump #SavingDemocracy #DismantleTermLimits).”   

When further questioned on the issue during his afternoon press conference, comprised of only news sources as nonpartisan and credible as the Flipside, Trump affirmed his Truth Social claim, stating in a translated to human comprehension reply that “People are always putting things in their bodies. If you just go outside, step outside when it’s nice and hot, like the Florida heat, and it’s even hotter now, I never took Tylenol. A pregnant person wouldn’t even need Tylenol it’s so hot.” 

So there you have it, the expert himself has spoken and we here at Flipside plan on listening, instilling permanent, drastic changes to our workplace. From this point forward, you can find us at our now strictly-outdoors office (as long as weather permits).