Dear Flippy,

Listen close. Descartes said that thinking makes me am. If true is this… I have question. If thinking makes me am, am I not thinking because I am is? Is me is because me think, or do me think because me is? Understanding have I not. All is confusion. But am I is? In short… if thinking makes me am, is am I thinking because am I is? Help me.

-Sincerely, Confused

Dear Confused,

Holy autocorrect. I just KNOW your screen was crawling with those blue squiggles when you typed this. Seriously, are you having a stroke? I can tell you’re confused, more confused than you know, so let me spell it out for you.

Cartesianism is no joke. It’s very complicated stuff, and if you want it spelled out right, you’ll have to ask a philosophy major (I, myself, decided to study something useful in college–Postmaterial Advanced Quantum Marxism). In essence, though, Cartesianism asserts that mind and body are separate. The specifics of this separation are somewhat granular and don’t relate much to your question. However, the line of “I think, therefore I am,” uttered by Cartesianism’s forefather Rene Descartes, means that your very act of questioning yourself is what proves you exist. At least, that’s what Grok told me. Poetic, right?

Even your crappily phrased questions prove that you, Mr. Confused, are a very real and living being. I’ll leave you with a nugget of my own wisdom (not from Grok), a little note about that confusion you said you’re facing. Perhaps it is your confusion and curiosity in reaching out to me, alongside your self-doubt, that makes you human. Hold on to that, Confused.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go lie down. I think I might be having a stroke now. Seriously, dude–please learn to write.

Sincerely, Flippy