Tag Archives: BK

Area 5th Grader Unsure Where to Drink Now

EVANSTON – The Northwestern community’s worst fears came to fruition last week when The Keg of Evanston’s liquor license was revoked. Although the decision by Mayor Tisdahl hardly seems unexpected, the decision has far-reaching effects that have surprised the community. “My friend Dave and me used to trade Pokémon cards there after school,” local fifth grader Danny Popps told Flipside reporters. “I would usually order a beer, but Dave always had a martini; he’s real fancy and stuff.” The Keg

[Future Issue: 2161] BK Introduces Extra-Super-Jumbo-Biggie-Large Size

EVANSTON – In an effort to keep up with McDonald’s Super-Duper combo size, Burger King recently introduced the Extra-Super-Jumbo-Biggie-Large size. This new gigantic portion of food features a 3-pound bag of fries and a 136-ounce bucket of your favorite soft drink to complement your burger. Burger King CEO Mike Borowitz is pleased with the new size’s large success since its unveiling in Evanston last Friday, adding that the board of trustees knew the town would be the perfect neighborhood for

Evanston Vampires Pretty Damn Tired of Spending All Their Time at Burger King

EVANSTON—If you ask any member of the Evanston vampire community, you’ll find they have something that’s been bothering them: they are getting pretty goddamn tired of spending all their time at Burger King. According to one such vampire, Count Wilhelm Von Terror, the Evanston undead scene lacks nearly all the amenities found in nearly all other cities. “Basically, you have two types of vampire hotspots around the world. There are your old vampire communities like Transylvania, where you spend most