Tag Archives: Twinkies

New Hostess CEO Plans to Avoid Labor Unions, Hires Keebler Elves

COLUMBUS, GA — Trans fat gourmands across America rejoiced this past week upon hearing that Apollo Global Management LLC, the firm that bought the royal icing of the Hostess empire, the Twinkie, had plans to reopen bakeries and return many of the only semi-genetically modified treats to stores by mid-July. The largest obstacle in resuming production, though, according to Apollo CEO C. Dean Metropolous (besides, of, course, ever looking at a Twinkie again now that he knows what’s in them)

Mitt Romney Buys and Bankrupts Hostess, Just to Spite Ohio

CLEVELAND, OH — Trans-fat gourmands everywhere mourned the loss of the Hostess Corporation on Friday when the company announced it was closing its factory doors for good. Many middle Americans, including all of the remaining Republicans in Ohio, took a break mid ho-ho bite to blame Barack and Michelle Obama for the confectionary catastrophe. “This is just another example of how Obama is bad for America,” Warren Couty resident Tammy Smith told the Flipside, brushing some cinnamon sugar off her