Author Archives: Laura Jok

Two Dead, Others Injured in Bed Riser Collapse

EVANSTON—This week, Weinberg freshman Stu Pitt and his roommate Tim Burr perished after falling two feet and three inches when Pitt’s bed risers caved in. The four-inch-tall risers were a violation of Northwestern University’s housing code, which prohibits any kind of lofted furniture. “This is for safety reasons,” said NU housing representative Justin Thyme. “When I reflect upon this great tragedy, it’s clear to me that the boys would still be alive today if they’d just followed the rules. cheap

Tiger Woods Admits to 18th Mistress, Blames Phallic Imagery of Golf

JUPITER ISLAND, FL—In a press conference today, Tiger Woods retracted his previous earth-shattering statement: “I’m human and I’m not perfect.” Woods claimed that he recently realized that these generic labels were insufficient to describe him. “I’m also a man,” he said. “And I’m a Neo-Freudian now.” The famed golfer sought psychiatric treatment when the details of his unsavory personal life came to the attention of the media. Woods believes that this decision has changed his entire perspective buy custom essays online on his

Alleged Harris Hall Renovation Revealed to be Cover for Hoffa Search

EVANSTON—This week, an anonymous tip led to the discovery that the alleged restoration of Harris Hall, the home of the NU history department, is in reality a hunt for the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa, the long-missing President of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters. The unnamed tipster would only identify himself as a member of the Hoffa Disappearance Investigative Committee (HDIC). Despite his oath of confidentiality to the university, he was unable to keep the information from the public custom term