Author Archives: Tara McManus

Congress Would Rather Sit on Their Asses

WASHINGTON – Congress has voted down the latest edition of President Obama’s jobs bill that would have legally required Americans to get jobs. The proposal was met with fierce opposition from Congressmen who would rather sit on their asses instead. The vote has been interpreted by political analysts as a legislative act defending the rights of the lazy. Senators gave impassioned speeches about the freedom to “do absolutely nothing” and to “be a couch potato,” saying that Americans have a

Attention-Deprived White Sox Fan Upset He Doesn’t Get Documentary

CHICAGO – A local fan is upset after learning no one cares that he cost the White Sox their final game of the year. When Bart Stevens, 28, snatched an easily catchable foul ball from directly above the mitt of outfielder Juan Pierre, he expected boos, thrown beer bottles, and crazed fans attempting to hurt him. “I was waiting to get hit over the back of the head with something or to get punched by a rabid Sox supporter,” Stevens