NU President-Elect Morton O. Schapiro Attended a Radical Madrasah as a Child

EVANSTON—In a breaking story just reported by Fox News and confirmed by Flipside investigative journalists, Northwestern University president-elect Morton O. Schapiro has been exposed as having attended an extremist Muslim Madrasah as a child.

Schapiro attended the Conway, New Hampshire-based East Parkway Elementary Madrasah from 1958 to 1963. The Madrasah’s administrators could not be reached for comment.

The blogging community, on the other hand, had much to say about this latest development. “[H]es a closet [epithet deleted]!” said SecndAmendmntRulz_218 of the blog “[T]hey r gonna tak over America.”

Other public figures were far more open to this development. “I think this is a great step forward for us as a country . . . to have the president of one of our elite research universities be a Muslim. I see the dawning of a new day in American culture. And hey, maybe he’ll be more open to my ‘anti-whitey’ initiatives,” said Louis Farrakhan of the Nation of Islam.

Other rumors casting a shroud over Schapiro’s selection include allegations of “palling around” with a rabbi who eats non-kosher meats, not wearing a Northwestern lapel pin during public appearances, and an amateur video showing the president-elect not standing and clapping along to NU’s fight song, “Go U Northwestern.”

When asked to comment on these charges, Schapiro’s administrative assistant, Carol Neilson, responded, “What the fuck?”

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