Nerd Picks Level 37 Half-Elf Half-Orc in Fantasy Football Draft
EVANSTON—In a move baffling fellow participants in his fantasy football league, Northwestern student James Johnson chose a level 37 half elf half orc as his first pick of the draft. Johnson, a newcomer to the world of fantasy football, thought he would give it a shot after having reached Level 70 on World of Warcraft on three separate occasions. “I was just bored of killing centaurs, leveling up, and constantly pwning n00bs”, he said. “I need a new realm to conquer.”
When the pick was announced, it sent shockwaves throughout the fantasy league. In fact, his fellow competitor was so stunned he stood shocked and silent for a full three seconds before selecting Adrian Peterson. When asked why he didn’t select Peterson, Johnson responded, “Although Peterson’s play at times has seemed supernatural, he is still human, and my elf/orc is impervious to the blitzing charm that the Packers will obviously throw at him.” He chose not to pick Brett Favre because his gray beard “makes him look like a dwarf. Dwarves are clearly at a competitive disadvantage in the football world.”
While his methods may seem bizarre and his reasoning a little outside of the ordinary, Johnson was able to steal Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco in the late rounds. “He may not know Spanish, but I know a level 85 player when I see one.”
Other competitors were unavailable for comment because they were busy living their real world lives like normal people. Johnson, on the other hand, was hard at work preparing for the fantasy basketball season by selecting the entire Washington Wizards and Orlando Magic rosters.