Kid Who Checks Cell Phone Clearly Cooler Than You

EVANSTON—A new study by the For Research Association Today (FRAT) revealed that people who spend more time looking at their cell phone than engaging in face-to-face conversations are much more popular.

“Think about it,” said Nick Kite, “When you talk in person you can only talk to a couple of people at once, but I have hundreds of contacts on my cell phone.”

“And don’t get me started about how many Facebook friends I have” added Kite.

When meeting somebody for the first time, the male who glances at his cell phone more often takes on the dominant role in the relationship. Researchers note that these males usually just check the time, although they often pretend there is something ‘Stephen Demos making a field goal’ important going on.

Girls, on the other hand, use their cellular phones to be passive aggressive, equating popularity to a 3-G network. These females emphasize the fact that they have a call to anyone who will listen,  often talking to their parents the same way they would talk to a friend to play up their immense popularity.

Cool girls also call people and immediately hang up so they will get called back and “have to take this important call.”

“U no,” says Grace Aoba as she glances at her phone, “IKMCISAATSPKTITCIA, IHMOPTTT (I keep my cell in sight at all times so people know that if this convo isn’t awesome, I have many other people to talk to.)

“I am popular!” concluded Aoba.

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