Area Sorority Girl Hashtags EVERYTHING, #ugh

EVANSTON – In an attempt to have the snarkiest Twitter of all her sassy sisters, area sorority girl Kayla Kaplan has started hashtagging everything.

“It started with just small things that were actually trends like #SGP and #royalwedding. But then I thought, wait, my life is just as trendy as these tags, so I’m going to turn my life into the trends,” Kaplan said.

This Quad Delt’s recent tweets have included such masterpieces as:

“Spring formal was so fun! #openbar #GinAndTonicTastesLikJollyRanchersWhenImDrunk #BlackoutOnTopOfTheDJ #WakeUpNakedInAlphaSigmaSigma”


“Quad Delt philanthropy today! #BoItForTheBoobs #WeWillLiterallySaveBreastCancer #ItsMoreAboutUsThanTheEvent #LowCutAmericanApparelVNecks”

Rival Sorority Girl, Charlotte Kenilworth is mad at Kaplan’s screams for attention, which she ascribes to “daddy issues.”

“Gretchen tried to make ‘fetch’ happen. It failed. Kayla is trying to make her hashtags happen, and I’m afraid it will fail even more. I’m sorry, but “#AteSoMuchSaladThatIFeelLikeABunny will never be a trend on twitter.”

Still, Kaplan fights to make her hashtags “a thing.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to stay within the 140 character limit because my hashtags are just too good for twitter. Maybe I’ll invent ‘twatter’ – twitter for sorority girls, and we can explain all our #SGproblems and #SGsolutions with more space,” Kaplan said.

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