Tennessee Freshman Learns True Meaning of Halloween

EVANSTON — Bienen Freshman Tricia Williams, originally from Maryville, Tennessee, recently learned the true meaning of Halloween. After talking to some students from the Chicago area (really Wilmette and Naperville), Williams was shocked to

learn that her previous beliefs about Halloween were absolutely and completely wrong. She said, “I thought costumes were about being someone other than yourself. Instead of just asking, ‘What are you going to be?’ people here ask, ‘How much clothing are you going to wear?’”

Williams says she is struggling to balance dressing for 40° weather and appearing appropriately slutty. Williams learned about the crucial balance between warmth and sluttiness from the creative costumes of her friends. Her roommate Dora is wearing a puffy down coat with the middle part replaced with black mesh – sexy dumbbell. Another friend, Monica, plans to don a red dominatrix outfit with oven mitts and earmuffs – sexy Mrs. Claus.

“I was thinking about dressing up as a slutty Eskimo so I could be warmer, but then I realized that it meant wearing fur lingerie and you know what that looks like ‘down there.’ I had to look for something else,” said Williams.

In the end, Williams decided to purchase a sexy rooster costume (40% off at www.yandy.com). Not only does she get to wear a hood, but it will also be great for out-of-state festivities. “If I’m going to have to go to Indiana or Madison to truly appreciate this holiday, my costume will have to withstand a belligerently drunken road trip,” Williams commented. “Plus, I’m really excited to dress up as a cock.”

One comment

  • Elly

    Or you can just not be a slut. It’s your stupid choice to give into peer pressure. Why don’t you stop complaining.

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