“Hunter’s political commentary on Justin Trudeau circa 2001 may have offended some of our peers,” stated Smith’s roommate Brock Brunson, “but how is he supposed to be held accountable for his actions AND have a wild Halloweekend?!”
Virginia Governor Ralph Northam might have more skeletons in his closet than a necrophilic anatomy teacher. Last week a photo from Northam’s yearbook page resurfaced showing two people, one in black face and the other…
Costumes reportedly included timeless classics such as a slutty devil, slutty cat, and slutty alien, but also included throwback outfits like slutty ‘80s workout instructor and topical statements such as a slutty absentee ballot.
“Usually I just put a napkin on my pecker to make it look like a ghost, but this year the community is expecting something more,” Scoggs explained to the press.
“I am hoping by the end of this I will have enough candy to last until Christmas. Maybe they’ll even throw a few Keystones in there too.”
“What really put me over the edge was a scary clown handing me my CHEM 212 grade and saying, ‘Oh no, I guess mommy’s little boy won’t be a doctor after all!’”
Reports are filing in from multiple student sources that Halloween and the widely observed “Hump Day” are on course for a climactic and messy collision, leaving many to speculate if candy will be the only…
Students have generally described the hauntings as friendly, though contact with the unknown leaves them all with anxiety and dread.
Though the theme of the party was to wear the scariest costume, Bowen’s outfit was not received well.
“Personally, I just enjoy it so much I figured the student body would appreciate it, too.”