This is Hubert Parsley (class of ’20), speaking to you live on-air from the newly-repurposed Telegraph Room in Deering, Northwestern’s only library.
Spam Risk sounds kind of rugged. Smells like pine. Those two-syllable names really get me. Like… James Bond. Or Hugh Grant.
Rather than constructing a long hallway filled with laser tripwires pointed every which way, such that only the most skilled gymnasts can somersault their way through, Dr. Moodering has put all the lasers in one column, all pointing in a single direction. This makes it impossible for even the most limber of heroes to circumvent the lasers and is an offensive jab at the gymnastics community.
“It’s the art of movement, really,” said Professor Nana Splitt of the dance department, who will be co-teaching Interactive Epidemiology 101 with the biology department. “The dance of the virus from one to another. By mirroring the dance of the virus, our students will make peace with their own idiocy.”
“Why would something like this happen to someone so normal?”
“All first- and second-year students can come visit campus once this winter, if they want,” said Schapiro. “You know, as a treat.”
“Both candy corn and its enjoyers have no taste, will show up uninvited at your Halloween parties and can, if so compelled, clog up your ear.”