Author Archives: Nathaniel Unger

From the Archives: God, These Cannon Shots in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture Are So Obscene and Obnoxious! What Has Become of Pop Music?

I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!

Local Supervillain Decides to Just Put Laser Tripwires in One Big Column in Bout of Anti-Gymnast Hatred

Rather than constructing a long hallway filled with laser tripwires pointed every which way, such that only the most skilled gymnasts can somersault their way through, Dr. Moodering has put all the lasers in one column, all pointing in a single direction. This makes it impossible for even the most limber of heroes to circumvent the lasers and is an offensive jab at the gymnastics community.

« Older Entries