New Roommates Discover Dorm Room Has Only One Bed
When asked how the sleeping arrangements affected their relationship as roommates, the Leighs responded that they are “closer than ever, in a platonic way.”
Category Archives: No. 330
In True Show Of Solidarity With Students, Dearborn Observatory Also About To Collapse
“In unprecedented times like this, it’s nice to know that the observatory feels us.”
Ask Flippy: Am I A College Republican Or Do I Just Like Warm Potato Salad?
I mean, I do love how Larry only seasons it with too much mayo, salt, and a little bit of pepper.
Op-Ed: Chester Cheetah Lowered His Sunglasses and I Was Smote with the Holy Gaze of God
Words cannot describe what I saw or felt in that moment. It was like someone had stabbed Hot Cheetos directly into my eyes—my brain—my soul.
Three Undergrads in a Trench Coat Attempt to Walk into Kellogg
“I asked the kid on top why he was nine feet tall,” Marty continued. “He stuttered for a bit before responding that it was some sort of hormonal imbalance. He also kept going on about how he was pursuing a Masters in “Money” in order to support “local businesses” like VibeQuest and The Table.”
New A24 Coming Age of Film Set to Feature DaBaby as DaAntagonist
DaBaby was asked for comment, but he merely shouted “LET’S GOOOOO!”
From the Archives: Young Girl Collapses From Too Much Deliberation About Whether To Wear the Arctic Monkeys AM Shirt with Black Tights or the Lorde Shirt with Gray Tights to Show Lucas From Language Arts That She’s Not Like Other Girls
“I was trying to find the perfect outfit to show Lucas from language arts that I’m, like, totally random and adorkable!”
Professor’s Shirt Oddly Wet, Refuses to Address It
Even after the mysterious liquid started to drip onto Ockwerd’s Original Macbook Pro, he made no mention of the trail of sludge coating his “Right Twice a Day” handouts.
Dining Hall Sign Worryingly Deems Bananas Are “Now Spider-Free”
“So what, they were giving us fucking spider-filled bananas this whole time and they’re just NOW telling us? I’m disgusted.”
Compass Group Offers NU Dining Union Print-outs of NU Flipside Articles as Health Plan
Unfortunately, the articles were so life-threateningly unfunny, they are thought to have been able to transmit dysentery.