Unfortunately, the articles were so life-threateningly unfunny, they are thought to have been able to transmit dysentery.
Author Archives: Lucius Veiga
Housing Finds 700 Students Partying in Bobb. Later Realizes Many “Students” Were Just Large Rats From The Basement’s Super Colony
While others are on the fence, some residents of Bobb are welcoming the new faces. “The rats are actually all great!” said one resident wearing a suspiciously tall chef’s hat. “Help me…please…” she pleaded, smiling
The traditional grand finale of Wildcat Welcome, an all-expenses paid trip to Six Flags, was made impossible this year due to the Coronavirus pandemic, leaving the Class of 2024 without the formative first-year experience that many upperclassmen hold dear. But when all else seemed lost, Northwestern released some uplifting news as to how they would make it up to the Class of 2024. According to an email sent by President Morton Schapiro, the Northwestern Administration is bringing Six Flags to
Northwestern’s Name Officially Changed to (42°N)orth(87.4°W)estern to Prevent Confusion with Similarly Named Schools
“Every day we would see mail destined for similarly named schools misdelivered here. We were getting sick of having to forward it all,” says Felicia Staamp, (42°N)orth(87.4°W)estern’s postmaster.